Chapter 45

“Demetri.” She ces her hand on mine drawing my attention to her. “What happened?”

“She sought me out. Begged me to tie her. Seeing Cole’s chest stirred up really bad, old memories. I needed the release too, so I obliged our desire. Only, she panicked when the tie was establishing and tried to rip it out of herself. But something about it was enough that she finally told me what happened to her. Her mother was beaten and raped by a rogue when she was three and a half. She died a weekter. Same rogue, same day paralyzed her by mming her back into a tree before raping her beside her mother. Her father abandoned her for a year after it happened, her brother Jacob took care of her until he was chased off nine monthster.

She was four and a half when he starteding at night andforting her by rubbing her back or belly. Five when he started giving her oral sex and fingering her. She was six when he told her that it was necessary to train her how to please her mate sexually, ten when he started prating and simting sex and the tie with a dildo. She was thirteen when prating her from behind with arger dildo with arger and longer tie became the expectation which set him up for raping her the first time she came in heat. He put a blindfold on her and prated her from behind.”

“I don’t understand Demetri. What does any of that have to do with using a condom?”

I look straight into Ang’s eyes as I speak, shamecing my voice.

“She wasn’t certain if he had raped her or not. She exined to me that the first–time she was in heat he put something she had never felt before and hadn’t felt since leaving, inside of her. She was very familiar with the feel of the vinyl dildos that he used to simte the tie as well as, obviously, his tongue and finger. When she was in heat he changed everything she was used to. The way he held her while simting the sex, the way he sounded, the way it felt inside her and the way it left without tying to her when he’s been preparing her for the tie for over four years. I guess she finally realized what it could be but she still wasn’t certain. So I ended up thinking out loud that I thought I knew what the difference was and she was interested in the experiment. I indulged her against my better judgment and I ended up being correct.”

“What was it?”

“He started raping her multiple times a day every day since she was fourteen using

a

condom.”

I pause as I make the statement out loud. Hearing myself say it seems to make it that much more factual than when it was simply in my head.

“What makes you think that?”

“The one thing I have never used with Lilly is a condom. I abstained from sexpletely for the first three years after we found her. I only started with some of the smaller easier things after the mate’s union ceremony. It was after three months of her talking about wanting a pup and she came into heat that we had sex the first time. It was a year after the ceremony. I don’t remember what I did but the way she reacted a few minutes ago was the same way I had found her once I gained control again that first night. I felt so bad, convinced myself that I must have raped her, that we didn’t have sex again until she wanted another pup. While we are very close, Ang, we don’t have the intimacy level of most wolves. Most have sex three to six times a day when not in heat and we manage that, maybe, in a month.”

“So you’re saying that when you put the condom on it reminded her of what she felt with this mystery object.”

“Sort of. I had her get on all fours the way he insisted on doing his simtion after she turned thirteen. I put the condom on in the bathroom since she didn’t recount the sound of foil tearing and walked into the room with her ready to prate. I went in from behind, used slow and short strokes but it wasn’t until I pulled her against my legs that she remembered.”

My voice is cracking as I recall everything I just learned about my precious mate. I can’t keep the tears at bay any longer.