Chapter 42

I’m inplete shock as my Lillian fallspletely apart. I have no concept of what she feels she’s lied about let alone why she’s now begging me to punish her. I do know that I got to get her back before she goes into another major panic attack.

“Lilly baby, please calm down. I need your help to understand what just happened. Please baby. What do you think you lied to me about ? ”

“I told you he didn’t rape me. I swore to you that wasn’t part of his training. How could I have missed it?”

“Lilly, look at me.”

I know she hears the desperation in my voice and sees the concern in my eyes when she finally makes eye contact with me. She has tears in her eyes falling slowly as shees back to me. I move my hand from her back to her face, moving slowly as I don’t know what her current mental state has done to her trust towards me. I’m grateful when she shows no fear.

“Do you think he raped you, Lilly?”

“I don’t know.” She whispers quietly. “Thest time I felt it was the morning I met you. I was never able to figure out what it was but the clues lead me to believe that it was him inside me. I just don’t know though.”

“You haven’t felt it sinceing here?”

I repeat back trying to think of all the things I had done with her to build her up to actual sex with her. It suddenly dawns on me the one thing that I’ve never done with her.

“Lilly there is something I can try that I think may help you figure out if it was him or not. I really don’t encourage it as I do believe it will hurt you physically and mentally to do it but if you truly need to know.”

She’s nodding her head yes and I’m in absolute shock.

“Lilly, this is going to tear you up worse than you already are. Are you certain? It’s just a guess on the difference as there’s only one thing I can think of that I have never used with you.”

She nods her head again as she speaks.

“If there is something you can think of that would make him raping me feelpletely different then sex with you than yes, I want to experiment. I need to know if he raped me. He always insisted on me facing away from him. The primal position, as he called it, and he always put a blindfold over my eyes so I couldn’t see. I got beat anytime I tried to remove it. When ever I came into heat he insisted on simting sex up to ten times a day. He insisted that was the only way to control the pain of the heat cycle. I had no choice but to be his whore.”

I kiss her fiercely before looking her in the eyes.

“You are not a whore. I don’t ever want to hear you say that about yourself again. Now, the knot has loosened enough for me to get up. I’m going to wash my hands and get you some Ativan and Vicodin. I need you to think about this experiment I vaguely suggested and if you still want to do it. Is the answer that important to you? He’s already done more to you then I have and for a longer period of time. Will this answer change anything for you? Because it changes nothing for me . ”

I kiss her lightly before running my tongue gently along her mouth. I grab her hands in mine as I slowly draw my thickness from within her. She yelps hard twice, squeezing my hands tightly as she does. While in the bathroom cleaning up I break my link with Lilly to contact Ang .

‘Are you busy ? I need help with Lilly.‘

‘No sir. What’s going on ? ‘

‘It’s a long story. I’ll fill you in after one more thing but I need you to bring the medication that you use to seal tears. She had a major panic attack during the tie and she has at least one really bad tear inside her. It’s too hard for her to handle right now for me to give the medication to her . ‘

‘ I can stop over in ten minutes . ‘

‘Thank you. We’re in my office.‘

I end the link as I head out to Lilly. She’s sitting up now but looks terrible.

“ Take these . They will help with the anxiety and pain you’re in right now.”